June 2016

 

The two photos in this entry’s cover image above, are of me. The one on the left was taken when I was twenty-three years old, a short time before I was to embark on a journey, that I ended up never completing.  On the right, taken earlier today, at around the same timeframe as the left photo, in terms of prior to me shortly again getting ready to embark on (hopefully this time, a more successful) journey.

What type of journey? Well, life, and living, in and with itself is a journey, so what makes this announced upcoming “journey” different? Hm… good question, I just posed to myself there. Maybe it’s just me steering back onto that journey, of which I have strayed from, more and more, off and on, in the twenty-three years since.

That journey of growth, learning, and understanding. That is, to the core, who I am and have always been. And all my life, I have been wandering around like this gypsy nomadic soul, from here to there, this and that, hoping that someday, I may come to understand why it is I came here, why I chose this existence and life.

Well, as I have said, I have strayed from that path, by the illusional distractions of this life/world, to now find myself twenty-three years later, still wandering around, asking the same questions.

I cannot do that anymore. I have come to a point in my life, like I have written before, where a switch has been flipped, and I am frankly incapable, and unwilling of switching it back. Feeling I have wasted too much of life compromising who it is that I am, to appease others and make them happy… all to the detriment of who it is I am.

So, the next stage of my journey, in This Life’s Journey, is to take up that, that I, as that young man above from twenty-three years ago, failed to complete. That entails giving up all I own, and venturing out with what only I can carry with me, and, honestly, I don’t know what – just wandering around aimlessly, while trying to figure me, and life, all out.

The logistics of how exactly I will carry that out, to be figured out in the crunch time of the next two weeks, which is when the lease of my place is up, and I then will be homeless. What led to my abysmal failure attempt twenty-three years ago, was my decision to do so with me walking, while toting what all I was bringing… which again led to it’s abrupt, premature ending after only one week in, because of my not being properly equipped to tackle doing it that way. And, to this moment, is still the biggest obstacle that I have to figure out.

I’ve debated round and round with how to do so this time… from using a mechanical mode of transportation to haul me and what I am bringing me around, and essentially being my mobile home that I would live out of… to doing it by electric/hybrid bike, whilst towing a small trailer/camper behind… to the same as the last, except substituting a motorcycle for the bicycle (that was just yesterday)… to what I keep coming back to what it most likely is I’ll actually end up doing – as I did twenty-three years ago, hoofin’ it, but just better equipped this time in order to be the beast of burden to my own cargo.

One reason why I would also like to do the walking method again, sort of ties in to something I indirectly wrote of a couple years back, spawning from a discussion I had, led me to question my way of living, going about doing things, really. And that perhaps, life, living, is not so much about reaching some destination, but rather the journey itself being what life, and living is all about and for. And if so, then don’t want to be just doing what I have done, and continue just barreling passed it all. Especially since I really have no place in mind that I am going and heading to, no need to be in a hurry to go nowhere.

So, will see. Again, fairly soon, as it is now crunch time and two weeks away from it all happening!

A couple years back when I got the This Life’s Journey website here for myself, this had been the intention and plan behind doing so, for just this sort of endeavor… but then I chose, once again, family instead. Yeah, well, I love them and all, but, I have to live my life… and though it will not be easy at all, and is still the only, major, blocking point to me doing this at all – me leaving and being away from them again… I gotta do what I gotta do.

And when I am saying family there, that is my ma, brothers, and scores of nieces and nephews whom I love immensely… as my lot in this life is also to be single, and don’t have a family of my own… so that is what I mean when I say family… not that I will be selfishly abandoning a wife and kids at home!

Anyway, what I was saying about the site here, it pretty much made no sense, since what I got it, and set it up for, never came to fruition… and why it was pretty much abandoned and collecting dust ever since, these first two years of it’s existence. But, now that I breathed life back into it, and ready to have it chronicle and document This Life’s Journey o’ mine, what content lays ahead to fill it, I look forward to experiencing and sharing. And welcome any and all, to join along, and share your journey with mine… so please don’t be shy, and drop a line, I would be happy to hear from you.

So, I guess, that’s it.

I’m simultaneously scared shitless, and eagerly anxious, to begin this adventure of discovery into uncharted waters. We got to be true to ourselves, and that is what I am trying to be and do. We can only live to our highest right, and trust that us doing so, will lead us to what and where it is we are trying to discover, find, learn, need, and want.

Here’s wishing you well on your journey, and that it is full of all that you are looking for and wanting… if not seeming to, then be patient, and don’t give up, and keep following your heart… it’s all part of the process, keep your head up.  I wish you all the best.

Hope to see you on down the road.

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  • IurieJuly 13th, 2016 - 3:21 am

    A sad story of wasted years and unfulfilled dreams, at the rise of a new bright day…ReplyCancel

    • JPHJuly 13th, 2016 - 12:59 pm

      Wow, you saw that a lot darker than I intended, meant, or even was in real life, Iurie!

      Though, I will concede and partially agree with the wasted years part. Partially because, I am split on how I view it… Part of me believes in everything has a meaning and purpose, and is so for a meaning or a purpose. And those “wasted” years, were not really so, because if it was meant to be and happen, it would… It never have, not making those times wasted, just all part of it all, in creating the circumstances when it all will be at some point and time.

      Do agree though, that there were times that were wasted, where I could have done more, but for whatever reason, I never did. And that is very sad indeed.

      The “unfulfilled dreams” part though, I disagree… Or, don’t see it, at least… More of just a – continued work in progress… Not, unfulfilled, just rather, still working on it.

      Thank you for visiting my site, Iurie, and welcome! I hope to hesr more, and us have continued discussions.ReplyCancel

  • PaulJuly 27th, 2016 - 5:26 pm

    Hi JPH, hope everything is going well!  Came by looking for an update on your journey. ReplyCancel

    • JPHJuly 27th, 2016 - 7:32 pm

      Thank you for stopping by and checking, Paul, I sincerely appreciate it… Next day or two, I should finally be on the road!ReplyCancel