March 2014

 

I realized, honestly a couple decades ago, that for a sure way to make any plans of mine go awry, was for me to simply make plans.

Seriously, once seemingly any plan of mine was, still only in my mind, still yet to be carried out and/or followed through with – something, somewhere within the universe, was hatched to do nothing more than to lay ruin that freshly created plan o’ mine.  It may not show itself right away, but, save itself for just such a revelation… or bit by bit, just start to chip away at the plan until it just completely falls apart and lays in shambles.

Recently, I have just been reflecting upon this, apparent life long, joke at my expense, set of circumstances.  What am I to deduce, take away, learn from this state of being with me and any plans that I may make?

Am I just to never ever make any plans whatsoever?  That life is just to be lived, not planned out?  Or, it is just a lifelong test of never giving up, no matter how many times one is knocked off the plan horse, to brush oneself off and …  Well, no, not that… because, it’s not a matter of me being shook, tossed off the plan horse… more a matter of the horse/plan just going lame and giving out from underneath me.

As I said, it was pretty much in my early twenties that I just chose to plumb forget about continuing to make any more plans, and to just take things as they come.  I am the King of Waiting To Cross That Bridge When I Come To It.  Sure, I prepare a little for things that I know may be coming up… but, headlong, setting down serious, laid out plans – yeah, said screw that long ago, and enough of me playing the patsy to the gods for their own personal whimsy.

Life is to just be simply lived, not planned.  Is that the case?  I mean, why do we plan?  We plan, to have goals, an endpoint to which we would like to end up.  It helps make us feel like we are in control, that our lives are ours to shape and mold… in charge, of us, our circumstances… each step plotted and laid out in front of us to follow and head towards.  And I guess, in that same vein, provides us a sense of purpose, direction… meaning to it all… provides us with a knowing.  For, as we all know, the unknown is that which scares us.  If we plan things ahead for us, we know what it is for us to expect.

What is it though, when we do not make plans?  Chaos?  Just this big, black, dark void of unknowing?  Well, yes.  And, no.  It’s just life.  Life is.  Life is still going to be life.  Life is going to be, no matter what it is we do, or do not do… plan, or don’t plan.  At least, in my opinion.  So, is it really just fruitless to make these plans?  Because despite whatever controlling points we may lay and set down, they all are still subject to whatever life externally may, itself, have going on and be, that can in an instant, or over time, totally negate any and all best laid plans we may have.

So, am I saying that planning (or life, for that matter) is just pointless?  No, not really.  It’s in our nature to do so.  As I said earlier, plans give us a direction in which to head, to navigate ourselves through life… be it a distant star that we lifelong steer ourselves by and towards the direction of… or, multiple points, ports and stops that we plot out to come to and reach.  For if we do not, are we then just sailing, floating listlessly in the sea of life?  Achieving and reaching nowhere?

I don’t think so.  Because that assumes that life itself has no purpose, no course of it’s own.  And within it, then those who do not make plans, are just vessels just bobbing out in the middle of nowhere, hopeless, lost.  Life has it’s own course, it’s own current, and those up on deck who respect the sea of life, know it well, having sailed it’s waters for many a life, trust in it, that it will lead them to parts that we were, consciously, or non-consciously, looking to go.

Trust.  Some call it faith.  Letting go, to let the current, waters, wind, air, of life, guide where it, us, wants to go.  Note that I said ‘us’ there also, because we are not just hapless passengers in this journey of life, we are still the captains, and say which way, and where it is, we allow our ships to go.

Myself?  As I have said, I pretty much have let go, and am trusting of life.  Trusting that it is not just arbitrarily pointing me in no direction.  How, or why am I certain of that?  Because I also believe that we are life.  We are it, everything, all.  We are the ship, we are also the water, the current, the air, the wind.  We are life.  So, believe and trust in yourself that you know that you’re leading and taking you exactly where it is that you want to go and be.  You, and you alone are.

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